If only

If only this pain wasn't real

If only, it didn't transcend past the walls I've erected

Then I believe I would find peace

If only this masquerade of smiles every time I whisper hello

Could simply vanish and then you would see the hurt

The hurt that runs deep beneath my veins

The hurt that tunnels and barrows into my existence

It does so until there is nothing left but an empty shell

A shell that is there to store the betrayal, the hurt and the pain   

If only the walls had stood their ground and grown stronger

Maybe then would I have risen and conquered

Maybe then I would have battled valiantly

Until my enemies shrunk with fear

If only dwells in my mind and my soul lingers on

In the notion of what could have been

If only I had chosen to shield my heart of these attacks

Maybe my body would have bruised

But my greatest gift would have remained whole

If only runs a marathon in my mind but is never out of breath

So I continue to wonder what if I had

What if the situation was different?

What if I was strong enough to withstand the pain?

As I ponder meaningless questions life moves on

And in this baron space I lay thinking

If only doesn't existence

Chances taken will yield results

It only takes that one step towards action for that to happen