When Defeat Comes Knocking

As I sit here contemplating my destruction

While tears flow down like rivers down my cheeks,

I stand in thought of what could become of me

If all I did was throw in the towel and like plastic on a windy day

Be blown in all directions by life,

I contemplate this existence that is filled with doubt

And regret and endless self-defeating prophecies

That I seem to bring to light,

I continuously weep for my consciousness

Which cannot handle the turmoil,

That brews beneath this sheet I call flesh,

It cannot handle the storms that violently uproot all happiness

That simply requires a fertile field to grow and to flourish,

I contemplate my existence in dark time and among whispers of dark souls

That bite and tear chunks of me till all that is left is bone,

I have never felt such defeat and

Nor shall I ever escape this feeling or emptiness

That cascades from the mountains like hot larva

Uprooting very sense of accomplishment that has grown since the day I was born,

I sit here in deep thought with volcanic eruptions of images

That scare the living essence of who I am has a being,

It feels like the sharks smell blood and are circling,

They swim so fast that it seems like they are breaking sound barriers

In order to capture that last bit of self confidence

That is hidden in the cracks of my soul wishing for light

So that it can stand and shout to the heavens proclaiming its existence,

I contemplate throwing in the towel and giving up

Because I know resistance is futile and doing so will only bring me pain

And misery, as I sit hear contemplating defeat

With tears rolling down my cheeks

I begin to drown and I am swallowed by this darkness

And like a mime I have lost my voice and my will to shout for help